Boss Being a Jerk? Don't Put Up with It.

Don't let how the boss behaves deter you from the quality work you do. (Photo by Yan Krukau for Pexels)

For the umpteenth time in my life... this year, I started a new job. My new workplace is located — like jobs I've held in the past — in a different country.

Some think moving overseas to work takes a lot of guts. I consider myself brave, intelligent, capable, open-minded and ready for new experiences. For me, working in a foreign country is part of the journey.

But big leaps have a big price tag. To get here, I left a better-paying government job, exhausted my savings, and took out a loan. However, I could not stay in a workplace that in the end left me feeling undervalued and expendable.

The main position for which I was originally hired (by a very capable leader who left 10 months after I started) was being reduced. New management — under a new federal government — worked on cutting my primary role in half and splitting me between two locations. Yet I was to continue to perform all of my same duties.

No longer would I be able to properly serve those to which I had committed myself. Ethically, I couldn't stand for the change to my role and that of others in the organization; nor could I understand it. No matter how I tried to fix the situation, my position changed over the course of only a few months, implemented by two inexperienced administrators who had little concern for staff.

Certainly, it had been a wonderful job working with a lot of great people, but my job security and firm footing was faltering. I — along with others in similar departments — was subject to the whims of inept managers who lacked the ability to offer guidance and adequate support.

I did everything in my power to convince my supervisors and higher-ups they were making a grave mistake by cutting my services to our customers. However, hands were tied and decisions were already made, long before I was informed my job was subject to change or in jeopardy (another incompetent move by the boss).

Time to Move On

There's a saying: "Employees don't quit their jobs, they quit their bosses." 

Recent research shows that 57% of workers leave their jobs when they are unhappy with their supervisor, project manager, owner (or superior of any type).

My boss wasn't a terrible person: he and the administration didn't have the foresight or cajones to support me and my co-workers. We were simply chess pieces being moved around to accomplish budget cuts. I didn't have the stomach to tolerate what was happening.

Workplace Necessities (Along with a Paycheck): Belonging, Trust & Support

Contributing to an uplifting, fulfilling environment with encouraging leadership is important to those of us who work for others. Of course, salary is an integral part of why we do our jobs, but we should feel valued, knowing that what we're doing is seen and appreciated.

According to the World Economic Forum, in addition adequate pay, "flexibility, a sense of belonging and the chance to learn new skills are also high priorities" in new jobs. We should to be counted on as part of a productive, positive team.

People in today's workplaces seek belong, trust and support from their co-workers and bosses. (Image by Tumisu from Pixabay)

The WEF goes on to say that trust is also key in building strong relationships between employers and their staff. Most employees value adequate compensation, work-life balance, meaningful work, flexibility, and a positive culture with supportive leadership. When the trust and positivity are gone, we deserve more, and the search for better begins.

Unfortunately, many organizations fail when it comes to providing what workers need. According to Forbes, for employees to truly enjoy their jobs, they must "feel that their employers respect them and will provide them with what they need to be successful in both their professional and personal lives."

That's a tough role for management to fill. It takes consideration and time to effect change. Effective leadership strategies should focus on creating a supportive, growth-oriented environment. This entails clear communication, career development, recognition, work-life balance, and competitive rewards, all built on strong manager-employee relationships and a positive, inclusive culture where employees feel heard, valued, and have a sense of purpose.

Leaders should be trained to listen, allow independence, give feedback, and provide fair compensation and benefits, all in order to help employees feel committed for the long term. 

When Your New Boss Acts Up

As mentioned, individuals often quit otherwise satisfying jobs because they are displeased with leadership. Encounters with a supervisor — who should play the role of mentor and guide — are the test of a new employee. It's often difficult for neophytes in the workplace to know when supervisors are upset with job performance or whether they are simply undergoing too much stress.

When a boss is insensitive, rude, or seemingly uncaring, we may fear that we've done something wrong and our jobs are in jeopardy. That's a lot of power wielded by the hands of one person — your manager — who is simply having a bad day.

When a boss speaks in a clipped, distant manner, our brains automatically fill the gap with

“What did I do wrong?” Being conscientious, we tend to want to take the blame.

However, when we internalize the harsh tone of our bosses, it shows that we care — and caring is not a flaw. Sensitivity to rude behavior isn’t weakness. It shows emotional intelligence and professional pride. These are the very things that make us good at our jobs.

It's Not You, It's Them

Sadly, rudeness hits deeply caring people the hardest.

Try not to take it personally. To quote Shaggy, tell yourself, "It wasn't me." Consider what happened and know that you haven't done anything to be blamed for. Because you add value to your workplace and are performing well, you're doing everything expected of you and more.

Here are some more simple workplace guidelines for dealing with a rude boss:

• Stay calm and continue to focus on the work at hand.

• Set polite boundaries with your supervisor as you get to know their characteristics better.

• Learn their triggers.

• Meet with them during convenient times or by appointment and not those when either of you are under stress, deadline or have impending meetings.

• Work to your best ability. That's what you're getting paid for. Don't let unkind behaviors disrupt your day.

• Find allies in your coworkers. Those veterans can give you advice about your boss' behaviors, and what to avoid.

  
  

Stress Behaviors... Not Judgments

Be the bigger person when your boss is showing reactive stress responses.

If your boss is curt with you, it reflects their mood, stress, limitations, or overwhelming circumstances, not your competence, worth, or ability. To break it down, "shortness” is a behavior of stress, not evaluation.

In 90% of cases, the reason your boss has spoken to you with terse tones is because:

• they’re overloaded;

• they’re worried about deadlines or their own administrative pressures;

• they’re juggling too much;

• they’re not emotionally attuned; and/or

• they don’t realize how they come off. (People in management may forget that their tone carries weight.)

When you're new in your job, your supervisor may still be adjusting to you. Bosses often behave more “task-focused” with new staff until they feel comfortable. It's awkward and not great leadership, but it’s common.

If you were actually underperforming, your supervisor would NOT be short — they’d be direct. Good employers don’t play around with underperformance.

If there were a real concern, you’d get:

• feedback

• observations

• support plans

• documented conversations

They wouldn’t be curt. They’d be formal.

If you've experienced none of these "conversations," the perceived irritation in your boss' voice is not about your work.

When It's No Longer Professional

If your employer becomes abusive, escalate the problem to his or her supervisor or HR. In a worst-case scenario, plan your exit strategy in order to maintain self-preservation and professional boundaries. 

Let It Go

When you've worked as many jobs as I have, a good boss is greatly appreciated.

I'm also at the point in life where, frankly — now quoting Rhett Butler  — I don't give a damn. I've got enough of my own worries and don't intend to add more from a person I don't know very well and who treats me poorly.

Don't let an inept manager ruin your workday.

The truth is, you are safe.

Your job is safe.

Your performance is fine.

Your boss’s tone is their stuff, not yours.